24-12-10 christmas eve

Christmas eve is a day where we should happily eating on a dinner table and sing along to celebrate the festival commemorating the birth of Jesus of Nazareth. It is a culturally significant celebration for most of the Western world and is widely observed as a full or partial holiday in anticipation of Christmas.(taken form wikipedia) but for me, is something in my heart, but nothing in my realistic life. i wake up early in the morning, together with my mom, we send tang yuan for my little brother.cause he dodnt come back for winter solstice. After we bring the thing to him, mom went to meet up with a professor. We chit chat about some pre- school thing and after that, we went to TESCO. This is my first time to shop in TEsco.. haha. not bad. A very good experience.. i bought 1 skirt and 2 shirt.. it only cost 20++. CHeap. then back to YEE po house, eat.. sister bring me to boston, a very famous shop to eat their food... not bad.. esp the fried sotong and lala.. love it... THen, after we went back home at 11.i went out to yam cha v eason, hoong sheng , xin ying, eileen and yuh lit. it is also a small celebration for eileen for her birthday.. COol and warm.. after that,, sleep .... ( today did a small quarrel with ken)

christmas celebration

He did it to my house and we went to sunway for a walk n shopping... His brother wanna get some new year clothes... Thought is a simple and casual christmas celebration( cause we had our lunch in T-bowl) but, it really mean to me a lot. In T-bowl, he ordered fooods and beverage for both of us and we enjoyed eating those shit on the toilet bowl.wat a smell... hahaha... After shitting, we went for shopping. Is a pleasure and a torture to shop v him n his brother.(haha.. cause they will survey and hold for the first time and come back again after they finish walking) but, is a good exercise though... Then baby make a vow infront of the shit that he won disappointed me.. is that shit? he always come out with these shit idea.. wahhaha.. but cute and special.. time passed... its time to send me home again for my friends bachelor nite. Baby trained me in the car cause i will be the MC tonite for the party.. is COol Yet frightening.. cause these uncles and aunties in Jenjarom is crazy yet threatening. Once u say something worng, they will bull u... yish~~ i mentioned the wrong surname, and they bulll me.. YISH YISH YISH.... finally it finish~ that for the day~ is a tiring day, but is a happy day~

we meet for the second time...

Thanks to Yee Fan make me canceled my class but end up waited him till 12 to get myself to Melacca. So angry... Meet him at MElacca sentral. He had a new hair cut. Make him look younger. He purposely come to fetch me to his new home. great~
reached his house. erm.. New house new smell. But, old furniture. haha... his parents is still the same them, his little brother is still the ah He, He is still my baby. So cute and adorable. we had lunch together with his mom oily but awesome dishes and coconut drinks. My first trial to have lunch with his whole family... COool... After filling our stomach, we fetch his bro to busstop and at the same time buy ticket for me to go home. it only have 3 times: 8:30, 12:30 and 8:30pm. Of course, i choose 12:30 lo... Then we wait until ah He2 bus depart, we started our journey to pahlawan. Baby wanna buy his dream lamp. i think is a bit small n not so dreamy... but he like it very much.. erm.. i respect his decision. As long as he like, n it didnt offense me, i should support him.. tat is wat i will do in the future. So, without hesitation, he bought the lamp. He told me is a gift from his colleague... how nice.. ooo
wat about me? wat is my gift? Act i have gone to Harvey Norman to look at the price of the fan. Gosh, so pricy. i couldn't afford to gift a 199 fan to him... Hai... thought of buying others things for him.. we walk walk and see see after we buy the lamp. i wanna buy something cheap but nice for my new year attire cause b4 this i have bought 2 blouse for 199 ad.. no doubt... i need to choose some lesss expensive stuff for myself..
he was so cute when he was there to see i come out from the fitting room. If is a nice skirt, he will nod his head. if is not a nice dress or shirt, he will smile and make his eyes big n look at me v his most innocent eyes.. wat a cute guy..
at last, i buy a shirt. i thought he will pay for me.. BUt no... i pay myself. i tell him how i feel.. maybe he feel guilty, he say he will pay me bak.. haha.. He is damn adorable... started to in love v him again..
Time flies, hungry again. needa go home.
Reached, his mom was so mad at us. Ask me y we are so late, where have we been, what the hell we come back so late? ad tell him we need to help them in moving some stuffs and soso ...
i am so guilty..
After dinner,i did help them out in moving their house.. fun.. but heavy...then time to sleep...
waiting him in his romantic room... sleepy.... nite~

reunion dinner

Had planned a reunion dinner for such a long time and at last.. we managed to took a nice n peaceful dinner at palate palatte restaurant. Is so nice and comfort v all my friends.. sharing their thought and fooling around...
Palate palatte restaurant is a creative restaurant. But, the food is aweful.. n so expensive.. but the potion is little.. i ordered a pasta carbonara.. damn it... it taste aweful... indeed, have a great time there...

is not a good way

Ah Bao..
U say talk nicely to them... how come it turned out to be that way de.... shit...
i dad wanna give me up ad..
he dunwan me ad...
so sad..
he so angry jus now n scolded me..
he say he wan me to become a teacher n that the final deal
he shouted at me .......
i didnt shout back..
but, i feel so sad..........
how come things become like tat?

i m mad of everything in my life...

When i woke up yesterday, i saw fb was full of Alvis Kong news. he is so loving but yet stupid..

22 Years Old Malaysian Alvis Kong Committing Suicide For The One He Love

22 Years Old Malaysian Alviss Kong Committing Suicide For The One He Love

Source from Chinapress.com and Joshuaongys.com

At around 9.50PM on Wednesday night, he posted a message on Facebook saying that ..

t0night 12.00 am. you wil knew whether its true or prank

Then later on at 11.00 PM, he posted another message on Facebook ..

Hope everyone will take care of their beloved one…Do not let them slip away from u before it’s too late !

15 minutes later, he posted another message ..

Count Down For 45 Mins…What should i do in this 45 mins ?

Alvis Kong & his baby

Alvis Kong officially announced and started his relationship with his girlfriend on the 26th of July 2010 and the whole relationship lasted only 4 months where it ended early this month. This is ONLY Alvis’s second relationship and he’s ONLY 22.
He got rejected 5 times by this girl before he finally manage to couple with her for 4 months.

Alvin Crying picture before he died

Alvis Kong wrote his last note before he died in Facebook – Link

Life is so short. he is only 22. However, i alute his courage to do this act. A 22 years old boy got the courage to jump from a 14 floor apartmeent. He dont care about the consequence that will happen and face all his problem himself. Bravo.

After praising him, i need to say that he is stupid. waht a stupid dump shit who is selfish and excessiive self centered. his behavior is over his limitation. He didnt care ahbout his parents who raise him up for 22 years. the money, the energy, the spirit, the love...... no brain.. dump shit...

The saying goes:You cannot always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.He can control the devil that push him to die. He can control everything.. but y?

i m jus a normal girl..
i m selfish? i think so.. i cruel.... always make my mom sad. always self centered..
but, i am sad... jus dreaming about having a bright future.. but, i cant make it
i cant do anyhtign but jus to stay at home and wait for the stupid posting.
why cant i join private UNi? y cant i join private instituition and center? y should i always ned to folow what i dun like.. the path have been walk by them... why should i follow their footstep?
why should i ............

life is torturing me...
i hate my lifestyle now..
no date, no friend, no nothing..
why i dont have the courage to jump down like aLVIS?
i hate myself..... jus hate....

小S语录。每天给我自己看N遍

当我告诉他们我要减肥，他们都说，你那么瘦了，减什么！

一直沉浸在这样的谎言当中，当然没有了减肥的动力，不骗人的只有相机和镜子！

难道等到所有人都跑来跟你说，亲爱的，你怎么变成这样。。。那时候再去减吗？？？

<减肥语录>

减肥关键就是饿，运动是最没用的，最多是辅助。但你想靠运动瘦下来，不可能。

我跟你说，这是个残酷的社会。你别以为有真本事怎麼著，外表更重要。

女生一定要爱自己。你就记住：胖子没前(钱)途！你再有本事心地再好，也是只是个好胖子。

不管年纪，漂亮是必须的。减肥也没有藉口，你能把自己吃肥就一定能瘦下来。

30多岁的女性应该比20岁女生更有智慧，你应该知道这个社会对女性多挑剔。

必须瘦，不要想太多。

胖子没资格吃！一定要瘦了再说。

你们给我挺住，都别吃。都那麼肥了怎麼还有脸吃！

要瘦一定要付出代价的。怕吃苦的太娇气的就不要开始了。

没有好方法，就是忍。不要问我怎麼忍，就是不要去吃

没人能帮你，只能靠自己。

如果你不想我喊你胖子就从现在开始别吃了。

喝水吧就，饿就去睡觉。

如果你和我说你不能忍饿问我怎麼办，我只能说那你别减了。

大S是一天一香蕉吃3个星期。

所以你看，就是要忍。

为什麼别人能你就不可以？

你们要自己加油。要证明给自己和一些傻X看。

就算以前是胖子也会有瘦下来变漂亮的一天。

看美女一个个活得更滋润，为啥？

美女漂亮自然一呼百余辆车接送，任她挑选。

你呐？拖著臃肿的身躯和妄图隐藏肥胖的厚厚大衣挤公交车？

还是自己在大冷天只能冒著漂移的危险慢慢开车迟到？

<恐怖的减肥语录>

1。其他女人都能瘦下来你为啥不行！你是白痴吗？你天生就该当肥猪吗？

2。女人不对自己狠心,男人就会对女人狠心

3。你难道就喜欢别人对你不堪入目的身材指指点点？

就喜欢看着自己喜欢的男生被自己厌恶的女生抢走？

就喜欢每天对着肥大的裤子 把自己粗壮的腿塞进去？

就喜欢夏天穿个包得死紧的衣服大汗淋漓走在烈日底下？

就喜欢身边的脸很丑但很瘦的女人穿着你穿不进的美衣？

体重3位数的女人没有未来！ 只有对自己狠一点！

你TMD怎么就这么喜欢吃东西 你和肉亲啊还是怎么着

4。不瘦下来不准买新衣服！

不瘦下来不准再做头发！

你就一直做一个穿过气衣服的土的掉渣的死胖子吧！

5。控制不住嘴巴的人就别闹腾着减肥！这不是纯恶心人吗！

活该！死胖子！活该你这种人就只能对着那些XS的美衣流泪！

夏天要到了！你那象腿就别自讨没趣地穿裙子了！

你就不怕有人在背后悄悄惊叹你的勇气么！

我比你瘦！比你努力！你活该这么丑！

6。有男朋友的胖子！***再张肥你男朋友就不要你了！

你当他说你胖胖的很可爱！说你体型刚好是真的啊！你是没张脑子还是咋的！

你男朋友要170CM200J你看着可爱不！！！

没男朋友的胖子！***为什么没男朋友知道吗！你张这样谁要你啊！

现在外貌协会的男人遍地都是！你看看大腿上的肥肉！小腿上的肌肉！

你是青蛙还是癞蛤蟆啊！！！你看看你那肥死人的胳膊！你怎么不去当相扑啊你！

刚被男朋友甩的胖子！哇哈哈哈哈哈！你终于被甩了啊！

你男朋友是只吃只拉的造粪机你也想甩了他是吧！！！还在痛苦里暴食？！

那你就等着下个男人也甩了你吧！！！

7。吃？你有资格吃么？有脸吃么？不觉得自己恶心么？还想不想要脸乐？

还想不想让内些看扁你的人大吃一惊？

8。美，瘦了一点有什么用啊，才不要听别人虚情假意的说，你好像瘦了一点。

瘦一点有什么用，听就要听别人说，哇啊！你好美哦！！！ 那样才是美得冒泡。。。。

9。那些想减肥又没有意志力喜欢吃东西的人***没救

想减肥就别他妈给自己找借口 少墨迹 果断点会死？

要瘦就得付出代价 受不了就继续在胖子行列混

反正世界上胖子这么多 也不差你

10。爱吃的女人！！！！！

多爱吃吖，少吃一口，能怎样，能死么？

多没吃过东西吖，

从小到大，亏着你了么？

怎么就那么不要脸，吃吃吃，

看看自己的肥脸，你有什么资格吃！！！！ 死肥婆！！！

11。一个人连自己食欲都控制不住，还跟牲口有什么区别？

12。要么瘦！要么死！

13。照相不敢咧嘴笑是吧！裤子不敢穿浅色的是吧！这就是胖子最大的悲哀！！

你知道那些瘦子为什么比你瘦吗！因为在努力劝你吃点东西照顾身体的时候，

她自己却找借口尽量不吃！！！就算吃了也是素，而且象征性地一点！！！

没办法！人家瘦子！胃小！！！再不克制就一辈子羡慕别人吧！！！

14。饭量再控制，少吃一口，能怎样，能死么？

她们吃是有资本，你个死胖子，当你没瘦下来时，只有忍饿的份，你不对自己狠，别人就对你狠！

15。当你对美好身材的渴望远远大于你对食物的渴望，你就可以成功减肥。

减不下来那是因为你对美丽的渴望还不够强烈。

16。一个女人如果连自己的体重都控制不了，何以掌控自己的人生！

17。.其实在你想放弃的那个瞬间，告诉自己再坚持一下再坚持一下，也就过去了。

A full stop to Brunei~

I attended the meeting to meet up v Mr Beh from Brunei...is at Hotel Federal, KL. i went there with CKS. The meeting was fast yet simple...He introduced me about the school and stuffs that we need to know and passed me the agreement... at that time, there was a pause in my mind when i read the statement...he appointed me as primary teacher and the basic salary and education allowance is only B$1750. is little. No doubt. i know things will come to me as soon s possible when this letter reach my parents eyes...

there are some of the conditions such as i should pay the school upon demand in writing the following costs and expenses.

i) all costs incurred by the school in my recruitment

ii) any costs and expenses reasonably incidental to the costs of your recruitment and

iii) all costs and expenses which the schoo; has incurred and shall incured in finding an urgent replacement for you.

after tat, we went sunway for a movie and a expensive lunch...

it is nice.. n i love rupenzel..

do i look like rupenzel?

OF cpurse not..

i dont have a loong hair and i m not as pretty as her...

Nite i went for party at my cousin house..

OMG... everyone ask me not to go..

wat the earth is that? everyone is asking me not to go..

they already help me to make the decision... wat to do....

simple spending money

People always say it is always easy to use money than to earn money..
i pretty agree with that..
i wake up this morning v a tired and lumpy face. Then i teach tuition. Then thinking of going maxis to change my phone to pre-paid. SO i won call so much and at the same time can control myself to call him...
it charge me 25 dollars to do that.. then top up my phone and my mom's phone... each 30.. mean i have spent 85 dollars. SInce i am so free, i went to my friend's shop to see some clothes. i bought 2 shirt... one for me, one for mama.. it costs me 46dollars. total i have used 131 dollars.
Before entering my aunty house, mom say need to buy something.. then i thought of buying some junkfood..
i go to a mart and simply buy some junkfood and ice-cream. It cost me 25. SO total today i spent 156 dollars. haha... SO easy to spent away all my hard earn money... wahahha
tat y my aunty always say...
Hui, must get a rich guy.. He is the one who can fullfill ur desire. desire of buying and spending..
A pauper will only make u suffer and pity..
AHHHH~~~

the day we meet

Ｉ have travel so far jus to meet up v him. GOsh..
WHen i reach there, he is stil so slim and smart.
But i hate his hair.. is too long. since he is no longer my boy, i shouldnt complain much too.
As usual i make him wait for me like half hour. When i am in his car, he jus keep singing his song. What come from his mouth is thta, we had been a long time never chat, tat y, we have no topic to chat. Have to warm up first. I　ｒｅｓｐｅｃｔ　ｈｉｍ　ａ　ｌｏｔ.　ｓｏ　ｉ　ｋｅｅｐ　ｍｙ　ｍｏｕｔｈ　ｓｈｕｔ.　Ｔｈａｔ　ｎｉｔｅ,　ｗｅ　ｅａｔ　ｉｎ　ａ　 ｓｈｏｐ　ｎｅａｒ　ｋｏｔａ　ｌａｋｓａｍａｎａ.　ｉ　ｆｏｒｇｅｔ　ｔｈｅ　ｎａｍｅ　ｏｆ　ｔｈｅ　ｓｈｏｐ.　Ｈｅ　ｗａｎｎａ　ｔａｓｔｅ　 ｍｙ　ｃｕｒｒｙ　ｍｅｅ,　ｔｈｅｒｅｆｏｒｅ,　ｈｅ　ｕｓｅｄ　ｈｉｓ　ｏｗｎ　ｃｈｏｐｓｔｉｃｋ　ａｎｄ　ｓｐｏｏｎ.　ｉ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｉ　 ａｍ　ｎｏｔ　ｂｅｌｏｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｈｉｍ　ａｎｙｍｏｒｅ.　"ｈｅ　ｉｓ　ｎｏ　ｌｏｎｇｅｒ　ｃａｒｅ　ｆｏｒ　ｍｅ　ａｎｄ　ｔｒｅａｔ　ｍｅ　 ａｓ　ｈｉｓ　ｇｉｒｌ　ａｎｙｍｏｒｅ.'　Ｔｈｉｓ　ｓｅｎｔｅｎｃｅ　ｋｅｅｐ　ｃｏｍｉｎｇ　ｏｕｔ　ｆｒｏｍ　ｍｙ　ｍｉｎｄ.
Ｔｈｅｎ　ｗｅ　ｍａｎａｇｅ　ｔｏ　ｗａｌｋ　ｂｙ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅａｃｈ...
ｗｅ　ｓｅｅ　ｐｅｏｐｌｅ　ｐｌａｙｉｎｇ　ｋｉｔｅ　ｂｅｓｉｄｅ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅａｃｈ
Ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔ　ｉｓ　ｊｕｓ　ｗａｔｃｈｉｎｇ　ｐｐｌ,　ｉ　ｓｔｉｌｌ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｗｅ　ａｒｅ　ｃｌｏｓｅ　ｔｏ　ｅａｃｈ　ｏｔｈｅｒ.
ｔｈｅ　ｎｅｘｔ　ｓｔｅｐ　ｗｅ　ｄｏ,　ｉｓ　ｔｏ　ｗａｌｋ　ａｌｏｎｇ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅａｃｈ.　Ｍｙ　ｓｔｕｐｉｄ　ｌｅｇ　ｗａｓ　ｄａｍｎ　 ｐａｉｎ　ａｔ　ｔｈａｔ　ｔｉｍｅ　ｃａｕｓｅ　ｓｔａｎｄ　ｔｏｏ　ｌｏｎｇ.　Ｓｏ　ｈｅ　ｓｅｇｇｅｓｔｅｄ　ｍｅ　ｔｏ　ｓｉｔ　ｏｎ　ｔｈｅ 　ｓｔｏｎｅ　ｂｅｓｉｄｅ　ｔｈｅ　ｂｅａｃｈ.　ｗｅ　ｓｉｔ　ｂａｃｋ　ｔｏ　ｅａｃｈ　ｏｔｈｅｒ.　ｉ　ｃａｎ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｈｉｓ　ｈｅａｒｔ 　ｂｅａｔｉｎｇ,　ｎ　ｉ　ｈｅａｒｔ　ｍｙ　ｈｅａｒｔ　ｂｅａｔ　ｍｏｒｅ　ｆａｓｔｅｒ　ｔｈａｎ　ｈｉｍ...ｗｅ　ｋｅｅｐ　ｓｉｌｅｎｃｅ 　ｆｏｒ　ａ　ｗｈｉｌｅ..　Ａｔ　ｔｈａｔ　ｔｉｍｅ,　ｉ　ｆｅｅｌ　ｌｉｋｅ　ｈｕｇｇｉｎｇ　ｈｉｍ..　ｉ　ｍｉｓｓ　ｈｉｍ　ｖｅｒ　 ｍｕｃｈ.　ｎｏｔ　ｍｕｃｈ　ｔｉｍｅ,　ｗｅ　ｓｔａｒｔ　ｔｏ　ｔａｌｋ..　ｉ　ｓｉｎｇ　ａ　ｓｏｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｈｉｍ.　ＢＡＢＹ,　Ｉｍ　 ＳＯＲＲＹ
ｉ　ｄｕｎｏ　ｗｈｅｔｈｅｒ　ｈｅ　ｇｅｔ　ｉｔ　ｏｒ　ｎｏｔ..　ｂｕｔ,　ｉ　ａｍ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｔｒｙｉｎｇ　ｔｏ　ｅｓｘｐｒｅｓｓ　ｍｙ　ｆｅｅｌｉｎｇ　ｔｏｗａｒｄｓ　ｈｉｍ.
Ｔｈｅｎ　ｈｅ　ｔｏｌｄ　ｍｅ　ｓｏｍｅ　ｓｔｏｒｙ　ａｂｏｕｔ　ｈｉｓ　ｃｏｍｐａｎｙ　ｌｉｆｅ,ｗｏｒｋｉｎｇ　ｌｉｆｅ　ａｎｄ　ａｎｏｔｈｅｒ　ｇｉｒｌ　ａｐｐｅａｒｅｄ　ｉｎ　ｈｉｓ　ｌｉｆｅ.　Believe me...
That the time my tears pouring down. i canot do anything to control it.. indeed, i am so jealous and sad. i feel like some1 is gonna forever missing in my life..
no one will ever called me baby anymore, no one will make decision for me anymore........
i am restless... to be brave, i wipe off my tears and pretend nothing happened..
Things seem to move fast..
i hug him from his back. He ask me: since u are so in love v me, why should we break up?
i keep silence... i wanna tell him... i love him... my devil keep pressing my heart to hide from him... SOme kids come to us and move our sight.. we change topic and move to the crab they are looking for..
Then, we stated with the topic again..
How was things runnig in life. so on and so forth.
'what size are u wearing?' This is some questions that he won ask me for so many years. i told him about it.. Then onli i knwo y.. cause the girl had talk about this v her. i am again jealous..
i can see tender from his eyes.. he is still so charming and pleasant...
i follow him to his friend's house......... then back to Tesco.. it was so cold inside and i am shivering. He hug me at last ..to keep me warm..
i know he will be my man ..
YEs, he is my man..
the one who can give me comfort and warm me..
heart beat rapidly incease to 100 pulse a min...
then back to his house..
A stay in his house..
he was so gentle that nite.. thought we didnt do anything, but i knw the hug that he give was the best ever in my 24 years old life.. i will never forget the hug... n the kiss....

The next morning, i had a breakfast that full of love.. chesse spagetti with meatball. no doubt, i love it. then we move to his new house. HE kiss me again and i can feel lots of love.. i know he love me.. n i know i love him too..
THE HUG N THE KISS.. i know i will never forget..
i tell him everything between me n ken.
i know he is so piss off. cause he thinks that he has been cheated. Its not easy to b the main character to the third party.. i m so sorry... we give each other 2 years to settle our life... 2 years... is long yet short.. what will happen in this 2 years time?
bunch of girls surrounding him..
anything will happen... SOmemore there is a girl who in love v him...
cute and pretty...
what should i do?
but i really enjoy the day...... although is sad to say good bye to his...
he give me a warm goodbye kiss and a hug for the segregate. i cried..........
tat the end of the day......
baby.. i love u... i wanna be with u...

love story

Do you believe love in one sight?
Do u believe in feel? fate? love will melt a person heart though he is she is brilliant?
love will ruin ur life? love will carry u to a little corner and lead u to dead?
I BELIEVE that..
I m in love. In love v 2 guys that love me too..
A is a secondary school freind who willing to do anything for me.. and care for me.
B is a Mr Right that i met when i was in a stage performance.
Fairy tale will always start with long long ago in a far far away land, there is a queen n king.....
Princess Mindy was a princess who love to dance. She will always join dancing class with vary people around the world cause she wanna experience residential life. As usual, she make it into an University and dance for a club. he meet up with someone who is macho and have six pack in his body.
Tenderly, this girl has fall in love with him. However, she has a young companion who always accompany her and he already treat her as his gf. What in earth there is a bf and gf exist in a fairy tale story. haha...
i am stepping two boats now..
i know is time for me to do something... what should i do?
i am so confuse in this relationship..
choose 2 instead of 1. i will hurt either one of them
but i will hurt myself a lot.....
what should i do?
This shouldnt be exist in love story..
what the hell am i doing...
my tears had wet my blanket..
i am still walking on the edge.. i m like flying moth flying above the candle.
I hate MYSELF　ｆｏｒ　ｃｒｅａｔｉｎｇ　ｔｈｉｓ　ｋｉｎｄ　ｏｆ　ｌｏｖｅ　ｓｔｏｒｙ...

Communication is the key...

Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to test on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."

Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it."

There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest.

As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and am exhausted from along day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes. From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me.... I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however
unclean it is, right?" After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work. That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I could not. I threw down the bowl, rushed into the washroom, and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes.. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really did not mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs. For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at then low point in my life.

Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible; you should go and see a doctor." The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant.

Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart. I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?

Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket. That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again. The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital."

I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless. I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby did not say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if....In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.

Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self-pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.
Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything. The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me,challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home; he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other.

He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff. I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not.. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death. One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it. In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine.

As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there. After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pulled the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him. "LD, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other. Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them. I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me. I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep scars in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional; for him, totally intentional. I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated.

Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart. Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He has forgotten that last time I cared for him and am concerned because there was love, but now, what is there between us? Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing but I continuously ignored him.

Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore. It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brow, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would
love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in; his warm eyes caused me to manage a smile at him despite my contraction pain. Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. Icried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment. Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when he first discovered he had cancer. Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral."

I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hitsme. Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son:

"Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion....
Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..." From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby has also written a letter for me:
"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby...My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me...These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging... "

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..." He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.... A fatal misunderstanding and the person who loves me the most in this world is gone forever..."Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our originals intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late."........ This is a true story.

LEARNING POINT - DO NOT EVER HOLD ON TO OFFENCES!!!
I am totally speechless, this story brought tears to my eyes as I read through each line eager to know what would happen next. It truly showed the devastating power of grudges and anger! Simple humility and communication would have resolved most of the problems in that story, as well as patience.... This story has really touched my heart and life as a whole and it has stimulated a paradigm shift. Though it is very sad, it is also very refreshing to know that from today, I can consciously start to live a life free of grudge. People please let’s live a life devoid of grudge. Communication is key.

beauty builds confidence

All women deserve to be appreciated, respected, and admired. When a woman improves her appearance, an amazing thing happens. People begin to pay attention to her, listen to her, seek her company, ask her opinion. She becomes more confident, and this makes her look even better! As her confidence grows, so does the respect she receives – at work, at home, everywhere. As her insecurity falls away, she becomes more daring, self-assured, courageous; she finds she can do anything. Her life improves in every way.

What a day

Spending few days in my lovely room doing nothing. Online, drama, eat junk food.... these types of activities have become my daily routine. wat a day...
Mom had bought me a book entitled: 1001 science questions answered.
Wow.. this is really an amazing book from reader's digest
it helps u to answer all the unsolved questions like: why is the star shines? why is the sky blue? who invent writing as so on.
Understanding the world around us can be great fun tat the reason u share this book v everyone of u who are reading this..

holiday

i m now in a holiday.. i should say, i already have a long long holiday in my entire life. i m now jobless... i had applyed for many jobs. but, my parents rejected me everytime when i get an interview. they hope i can work for government. they hope i can be like them. i don't wish to.. recently, i got a job. A job in brunei. i dont knw whether my choice is correct, i jus wanna go for it. do something incredible and out of my expectation and limitation. All of them say Brunei is a far far place... However, i think it is jus somewhere around the corner in the world and is very near to malaysia.

Christina Aguilera - Hurt

is a nice song to describe my feeling toward him...

but i know... there is a full stop in our relationship...

kid are innocent

As a teacher in school, i always watching them smiling happily and having lots of fun..

BUt, today, i saw something' while i was monitoring in front of the gate.

i saw a young and handsome daddy sitting on the benches in front of the school. As a teacher of his kid, i grin with him( act i duno which is his kid)

Then, when the bell rang,the children came out... A few boys come to me and chit chat with me..

then the 'daddy' come to search for his kid.

They were sitting on the bench and the daddy knell down n talk to his boy..

oh my, wat a touching scene... i was so concern about it and went there to ask whether is the boy fall or wat. The daddy nvr response.

Heard from the other teacher who is standing at the front door, she told me the daddy had divorce with his wife n now the kid is under his mom guidance. The action where daddy knell down and talk to his kid is because he came for a look at his kid.

Everything is so dramatic that it makes my hairs stand. Daddy secretly come to skol to have a look at his son while when mommy came, he hide himself and then run away..

OH my,i thought i onli will see these in movies..

Life is too dramatized..

i jus cant believe my own eyes..

Heard the teacher say there are fews more students in our skol which have the same situation..

So, who should we put the blame to?

The stupid Parents or the innocent kid, or the parents' parents or the society?

The kid is A class students. How could he bare all these nonsense in a family?

They are innocent..

how i wish..........

Does a wife vow to love.hoover and obey?
i believe in the olden days, wife indeed have to obey her husband. Cooking, house chaos, taking care the children, managing the account of the family and preparing the dypers for the granny when she is having Parkinson... how troublesome....

Love make us blind.. sometimes i really wish i am single..
However, i am still single and available..
but for some girl, they think that having a bf is no longer single.. wat is your point of view?
god damn it, i have a bf who are nuts..
no sentimental, no romance, no money, no degree, no passion, no condo and no no no.......
i dono why i love him n i don know why i am v him for so long......
this feeling is killing me...........
how everything would change n everythign can start from the beginning.......
how i wish i am now a girl who has a bunch of gfs and bfs who are really my friends and be v me all the time...
how i wish...

what should i do

i am tired. tired of staying at home doing nothing... i had been lazying at home for the past 1 month. i am jobless. what to do?
to upgrade myself by reading more books? to search for a part time job and earn some pocket money? or to keep my eyes on the monitor of the computer for the past 12 hours once i opened my eyes?
Oh my oh my... i duno what to do!!!

essay!!

long time never write an essay until my bf sis asked me to help her to correct her grammar mistakes in her essay!! Stunted for a few minutes facing the essay... i dont know how to start!!!
should i mark her essay like how i mark my students? or...
so i decide to simply help her. hahaha!!!

this is her original version...

How technology had changed our world

I thought people can live without technology. The reason I have this type of thinking is because before 20^th century, when technology was still not that advanced, the people were living satisfied lives. They do not need communication technology such as computers. But, in the 21^st century, technology is advanced and almost everyone has a computer. Nowadays, even a 5 year old child knows how to use computer. There are three ways communication technology has changed our world.

With a computer, we can access to the Internet. The Internet is a cyber-space, to exchange data with any other connected computer. Internet serves as a useful tool for communication because we can communicate with a person sitting thousands of miles away through instant messaging (MSN) for conversations by chatting or using webcam. Not only that, we can staying in touch by using electronic mail (E-mail), the most popular of the Internet services, to attach photos, music files, and other document together with the message. Besides communication, we can also use the Internet to search for information. The information we want can be easily found within a short period. In addition, the Internet can use for online payments, online shopping, and reading newspapers online, it not only convenient, but also save time. Furthermore, we can earn money through the Internet by running online business, at the same time, we can save cost of owning a shop.

Secondly, computer can keep a huge amount of information and data. The storage for a computer is very big, therefore, we can save our works in the computer. Saving our works in the computer can decrease the usage of papers and so, can prevent from over cutting down the trees. Furthermore, we can download music, videos, songs, and games to computer, it is much more easier as compared to using DVD or CD to watch. In addition, we can upload photos from camera and hand phone to the computer, so we can view the photos in a bigger screen and also delete away the images that uploaded to computer as the memory for camera and hand phone is not as big as computer.

Next, computer helps us be more productive and creative. We can use a word processor such as Microsoft Word to create a term paper. When we realize there are mistakes in our work, we can always edit and save up the corrected work, unlike doing works by writing, whenever there is a mistake in our work, after we corrected it will look untidy. Troublesome are there to complete our tasks, and there is chances where our paperwork might lost during the way to the office. Besides that, we can use the applications such as photo editing, 3D rendering, and desktop publishing for multimedia and graphics to make our project more interesting. In addition, the compact type of computer, which is known as laptop, can be brought anywhere and it is very convenient, for business purpose, laptop can be use to present your works in PowerPoint slides form during meeting.

Communication technology plays an important role in today’s world, we need computer to surf Internet, save data, and increase productivity of work. Without computer, our life will become tougher and works cannot be done on time. In conclusion, computer has changed our world in many aspects and so, computers are our future.

After i read her work, i decide to help her change a bit!!!

How technology had changed our world

The world had changed. Nowadays, I believe that people around the world had been exposed to technology. No doubt, Computer is one of the most influential technologies that have taken over our society. People over the globe can now work and communicate together in ways that were never before possible in history. Information technology such as e-mail, instant messaging, the Internet, and video conferencing has completely changed the way humans communicate over time and space. Computers grew rapidly and widely used through out the world. Therefore, their impact can be classified into three categories; communication, education and entertainment.

Firstly, a computer can access to the Internet. Internet is a cyber-space, and it help to bring people closer together and facilitate contacts between them. For example, we can communicate with a person sitting thousands miles away from us through instant messaging (MSN). If you have a webcam, you can even see their faces clearly. Not only that, we can stay in touch by using electronic mail (E-mail). We can easily access to e-mail almost everywhere using either personal computer at home or public one. Moreover, you can easily to upload photos, download music files, and other document together with the message if you want to make your message clearer.

Besides communication, education was impacted by computers as well. Computers help out students in a lot of today's projects and essays. We as a student can search information easily by looking in an electronic encyclopedia or they could look up their topic on the internet. We can also type our essays and reports on what's called Microsoft -processing program. This program allows you to type anything out from a school essay to business papers. You can make your paper look very neat by adding images and neat looking text to impress your teacher. It helps to keep a huge amount of information and data too. The storage capacity for a computer is very big; therefore, we can save our works in the computer. Saving our works in the computer can decrease the usage of papers and so, can prevent from over cutting down the trees. In addition, we also can upload photos from camera and hand phone to the computer, so we can view the photos in a bigger screen and also delete away the images that uploaded to computer as the memory for camera and hand phone is not as big as computer.

Another area computers impacted on is the entertainment area. Nowadays, in this sophisticated era, people out there like science fiction or action movies, especially the ones with the neat looking effects. Well, those graphics were mostly made by computers. Most of the movies today use computer graphics to make things more realistic but not real. For example the coming Pixar movie Toy Story is a 3D animation that most children or even adults fond to. Not only movies used computer animations and graphics, games on the latest game consoles like the PC, Play station and Nintendo 64 used the computers to make the coolest games ever. Of course all of you heard of the game Final Fantasy VII. It was the first Final Fantasy game to have a 3D environment and neat computer animation. That's how computers impacted today's entertainment.

As a conclusion, computer plays an important role in today’s world. It provides facilities for our life and also creates effective production. In this 21^st century, without the computers help, the world would be a dull and primitive. We succeed to produce a useful technology. Now it’s important to utilize the technology that we have.

Though is not a prefect essay, but i think i can help her in getting a higher mark by arranging the points organizationally with thesis statement n supporting details...!!!! best of luck to her...